These quotes were taken from actual employee
performance evaluations in a large U.S. Corporation.
 
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom
     ...and has started to dig deeper."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid
     curiosity."

 
"Works well when under constant supervision
     and cornered like a rat in a trap."
 
"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been',
     but more of a definite 'won't-be'."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails
     to achieve them."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

 
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"This employee should go far... and the sooner he starts, the better."

"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

 
"He certainly takes a long time to make his point pointless."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

 
"He's been working with glue too much."
 
"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

 
"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts,
     you'd get change."
 
"He would argue with a signpost."

"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

 
"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

"If you see two people talking and one of them looks bored,
     he's the other one."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge...
     he only gargled."
 
"It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm
     to the egg."

"One neuron short of a synapse."

 
"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
 
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing
     to hold it all together."

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

 
 
 

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