Dirt:
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens
provide a helpful filter against harmful
and aging rays from the sun. Call it an
SPF factor of 5 and leave in alone.
Cobwebs:
Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades
reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby
creating a romantic atomosphere. If your
husband points out that the light fixtures
need dusting, simply look confused and
exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
Pet Hair:
Explain the mound of pet hair brushed
up against the doorways by claiming you
are collecting it there to use for
stuffing handsewn play animals
for underprivileged children.
Guests:
If unexpected company is coming, pile
everything unsightly into one room and
close the door. As you show your guests
through your tidy home, rattle the door
know vigorously, fake a growl, and say,
"I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy
hates to be disturbed and the shots are
SO expensive."
Dusting:
If dusting is REALLY out of control,
simply place a showy urn on the coffee
table and insist that "This is where
Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."
Painting:
Don't bother re-painting. Simply scribble
lightly over a diry wall with an assortment
of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears
as you say, "Junior did this the week before
that unspeakable accident...I haven't had the
heart to clean it..."
General Cleaning:
Mix one-quart cup pine-scented household
cleaner with four cup sof water in a spray
bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened
rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an
exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch,
and sigh: "I clean and I clean and I still
don't get anywhere..."
